I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
