she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
