yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
