I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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