Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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