i just wanna soil my oats bro
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
