Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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