do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
