so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We had sex on a dog bed..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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