Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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