And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
