She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
