he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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