So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
