you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
this boner is exhausting
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
