whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
pray to the hookup gods
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
