is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
