Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Randomize
