I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize