So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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