We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
