At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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