First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
