So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
