I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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