But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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