Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
