she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
