So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
