So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize