I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
