You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
