If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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