there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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