So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
