I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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