My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
