I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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