Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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