dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was born a porn star she said
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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