I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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