Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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