Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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