I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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