Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
