he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
FUCK WHALES
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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