ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
