just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
