the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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