Kiss
Puke
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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