Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
