I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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