my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
