Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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