he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
