please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
