I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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