watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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