woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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