No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
