My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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