I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
