Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
