For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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