For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
