Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
