girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
