He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
