Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
